Jack's Leafy Greens
by bizznot
Summary: A new dragon with a bone to pick with Raimundo, and a stoned Jack! What else could go wrong?
1. Chapter 1

SCENE ONE A normal American backyard. Bushes pepper the grass, and against the house is a small, fairly well-kept garden. JACK is leaning against a fence, holding the monkey staff in one hand and a bong roughly the size and shape of an alto saxophone in the other. Smoke is coming out the "bell" of the other object  
JACK (inhaling on his bong, relaxed)  
Man, this stuff is the best. I thought the Ring of the Nine Dragons was the way to go! This has got to be ten times better.  
WUYA comes through the wall of the house  
WUYA (Angry, scolding)  
What are you doing, Jack Spicer? We have work to do.  
JACK Oh, uh, just, uh, practicing the saxophone?  
WUYA Whatever, boy. Just come, I'm sensing a Shen Gong Wu 


	2. Chapter 2

SCENE TWO

_A first-world bedroom. Posters of famous rugby league players dot the walls, relenting only for a wall-sized New Zealand flag. A view of Wellington is seen out the room's only window. A small dagger rests on a dresser somewhere in the room. JAMES is relaxing on the bed_  
JAMES

Gorramitall, I'm bored.  
_He picks up a brochure-like piece of paper_  
JAMES

Warriors play next on Friday and tickets are sold out, I guess I could go watch a union match, but what's the point? I'll never understand the damn sport. All that can save me is

_The dagger starts vibrating_

JAMES

A Shen Gong Wu!


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: It came to me in a dream...that if I wanted reviews I should add more to the story. If you've read this far after that lame first chapter, I thank you.

Reviews welcome, please be brutal, I don't get very far with praise. As the Master would say "There are no lessons in victory, but a thousand in loss."

SCENE THREE

_Xaolin Temple. RAIMUNDO and CLAY are engaged in a vigorous game of ping-pong, KIMIKO is surfing the net and OMI is in a corner, breaking boards. DOJO comes rushing in with the scroll  
_  
DOJO  
A Shen Gong Wu has appeared. A nasty one, too: the Heylin Needle. I hate to say it, but his one belongs to Jack, by rights.  
CLAY  
Don't appear to me that Jack much cares 'bout etiquite, why should we?  
RAIMUNDO  
He's right, you know. Who cares who it belongs too, let's get it!DOJOAll aboard!

_CUT to a beach somewhere. JAMES is pacing, annoyed_  
JAMES (Talking to his dagger)  
I swear, mate, if you're going to not work, do it consistently. Where in the hell is your Wu?The dagger flashes, and the skyline of Sydney can be seen distinctly for a few seconds  
JAMES  
Oh, Sydney. Great, mate, just great. Oh, wait. Metal!He closes his eyes and pulls a small metal orb from his pocket. With great concentration from him, the orb turns into a small boat  
JAMES  
There's the hull, how am I supposed to push it? Oh, yeah, that._  
He produces what appears to be the leaf of a fern_  
JAMES  
Fern of the Four Winds!_The fern begins to spin, propelling the boat across the water, with James in it._

_CUT to a city street, where a small, golden needle is resting outside of JACK'S clutches. He begins to laugh as CLAY, DOJO, OMI, RAIMUNDO and KIMIKO arrive_  
JACK  
Looks like this one belongs to me, suckers! Say, any of you got decent weed?  
CLAY  
Cowpie! That's another one.  
RAIMUNDO Hey, on that weed. I've got some, if you're interested.  
JACK (Clearly excited)  
Really?  
RAIMUNDO  
Yeah, man, what Brazilion doesn't?  
JACK For free?  
RAIMUNDO Sure.  
_RAIMUNDO approaches JACK, but when he reaches into his pocket, he draws the Sword of the StormRAIMUNDO Sword of the Storm!A wind kicks up and starts to push JACK back, but he reaches for the needle anyways. He almost has it when two spikes appear from nowhere and pin his arm to the ground. JAMES comes screaming in on a board, apparently made from his orb, with the Fern propelling it_  
JACK  
Aw, not you. Wuya told me about you!  
JAMES  
'fraid so, mate. I challenge you, Jack Spicer, to a Xaolin Showdown!  
JACK  
Fine, name your terms.  
JAMES My Fern of the Four Winds against your Two Ton Tunic  
JACK  
And the showdown?  
JAMES  
A game of Aussie rules, mate?  
JACK  
What?  
JAMES  
Australian football, smart one.  
JACK  
If you say so. Let's go  
BOTH  
Xaolin Showdown!  
_The section of street rises up and several light poles change into the posts needed for a gameBOTH Gung He Kampai!The needle turns into an oval ball and bounces in the center of the section and JAMES grabs the ball_  
JAMES  
Fern of the Four Winds!_  
He runs the ball down the field and kicks it between the goal posts.  
_JAMES  
Goal!  
JACK (To self)  
Okay, so I try to get it through the posts...got it.  
_The ball bounces again. This time JACK gets it. He runs up the field, using the two-ton tunic to avoid tackles whenever necessary. He eventually attempts to kick from the 50 meter line, with little success. JAMES leaps with the fern and catches it_  
JAMES  
Mark!_  
A block of ice comes out of the ground around JACK, trapping him while JAMES takes his free kick_  
JACK  
A little extreme, no?  
JAMES  
Well, it is a showdown, mate.  
JACK  
Alright, the accent is driving me nuts. You can stop any time.JAMES I 'ent fakin' it, if you're thinkin' I am. This is genuine.  
JACK  
Uh, right. Just kick it, I'm getting cold.  
JAMES  
Righto, mate._JAMES kicks it and makes the goal. JACK smiles, seemingly having come to a revelation. The bounce is now snagged by JAMES, who runs the ball down the field before JACK jumps over him and prepares to land in front of him_  
JACK  
Two-ton tunic!  
_JACK shoots downward, landing on JAMES's back. JAMES falls on the ball, failing to release it_  
JACK   
Penalty kick! Haha, sucker!  
_JACK takes his kick but only manages to score a behind. The bounce goes to JACK and he runs the ball down the field, scoring a behind by running through the net_  
JACK   
Oh, yeah, I'm taking it to the next level!  
_JAMES glances quickly at the scoreboard, then at JACK, with a quizical look on his face_  
JACK  
Yeah, yeah, so what if you're leading by sixteen? I can always come back, you know! Never underestimate Jack Spicer, evil boy genius!  
JAMES  
You know, mate, you might want to get on with the game. You've got ten seconds.  
JACK   
Oh, crap, you're right.  
_He gets the bounce again and kicks from the fifty for a buzzer-beater goal. JAMES wins for the Xaolin side by six_  
RAIMUNDO  
Hot stuff! You showed him!  
KIMIKO   
I looked up that sport of yours and it seems really interesting. I think you may have found my new passion!  
CLAY   
I don't exactly get your lil' game, partner, but I appreciate a well-played match of any sport. I reckon I could use a new game to play, maybe you could teach me sometime.  
DOJO  
That was sweet, dude. What were you playin', by the way, some kind of rugby?  
KIMIKO  
Australian Rules Football, created in 1858 by Thomas Wills, who wanted a football game to keep cricketers fit during the winter   
JAMES  
Yeah, or somethin' like that. Really, Aussie Rules 'ent all that, I just figured it was perfectly bizarre enough to through your friend Jack Spicer off a bit.  
CLAY  
Yeah, well, I reckon you did that, he was as flustered as a fish, what-you-call-it, sackey-hackin'  
RAIMUNDO  
Dude, it's hackey-sack  
OMI  
For once, I am not the one who is mistaken!


End file.
